Updated: Jul 12, 2022
Accepting the things we cannot change can be a challenging business. Wanting to communicate our thoughts and emotions, while reaching the conclusion that we are not receiving a satisfactory response, can be very frustrating.
So how do we rise above the situation? How do we overcome the frustration and anger?
First of all, It's helpful to acknowledge our need for closure. Then we need to regain some control over our physiological response. The quickest way to do so is by activating our Vagus nerve (regulating our fight or flight response) through breathing deeply to allow our body to settle. Once we feel our breath becoming steadier, we can move on to our emotional response. We can do that by naming our emotions, and then taking the time to dig in to the layers of our experience.
Few questions to ask could be:
What is it I am trying to convey?
What outcome am I looking for? Why is this outcome so important for me?
If this is not the outcome I wish for, does this trigger past experiences or feelings of hurt?
Can I offer this outcome to myself recognizing others may not do so?
This process can help us reach a place where some closure can be achieved, as our needs may be met to a degree. However, depending on the need and type of relationship we have with the person or persons we are trying to communicate with, may also bring to the surface other emotions. There may be sadness, disappointment or hurt for not being listened to. There may be a sense of loss for the relationship that could be.
Allow your self the time to explore this, and once those feelings are understood by you, you may find it easier to move on and accept what you cannot change. You may not be able to alter how others act and what they offer, but you can shift your response and the intensity of your reaction.
Breath in and remember you always have your self to fall back into.
Perhaps finding a greater sense of resolution and understanding of your wishes and motivations, you may be able to see others with more compassion and acceptance.